6 Rules for Running an Effective Meeting


You can thank me now because I know these rules will help you. You’re welcome.

  1. Arrive late. This is one of the best ways to demonstrate to others that your time is far more valuable than theirs.
  2. Set broad objectives for the meeting once the meeting starts. This will ensure sufficient time is spent deciding what the objective Chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.should be. Further, it will encourage discussion about why you are meeting in the first place and whether the meeting is even necessary.
  3. Spend as much time as possible discussing theory and hypothetical situations that will likely never arise. This is a good opportunity for the loud-mouths to hear themselves talk and feel important. Besides, actually coming to an agreement on specific actions to take is impossible so don’t waste your time trying.
  4. Be sure that everyone has brought their cell phones with them. Ideally, those who have both personal and work phones should bring both. If, by some horrid chance, the battery on one should die while tweeting, they can at least play solitaire and text the cute guy they met last weekend. Even better, respond to emails while you are speaking. This is another way to demonstrate to everyone that your time is infinitely more important than theirs.
  5. Great ideas require a lot of energy. Every meeting should come with sufficient nourishment, preferably in the form of Tim Horton’s doughnuts or those big, fat, white chocolate macadamia nut cookies of which I always end up eating at least five. If your boss forgot this item, leave the meeting immediately and acquire said items.
  6. Notebooks and pens are essential implements for taking notes, playing hangman with your colleagues, drawing caricatures of the colleague no one likes, and creating a new list of words for your next buzzword bingo game.


4 responses

  1. I love it! I would like to suggest that all meetings be scheduled with 5 minutes to spare at the end so that everyone can to get to the next meeting…on time. I can’t stand being late and am not fond of others that are perpetually late. Giving us all 5 minutes in between meetings would be helpful…at least to those of us that prefer to be on time.

  2. Awesome!

  3. Ivana S. Taylor

    Brilliant! I love this and I’m saving it and sharing it. It’s how the world really works isn’t it?

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