The 10 Rules of Dessert


  1. Never share dessert. Not with your beloved spouse, not with your sweet adoring child, not with anyone. 
  2. To qualify as a dessert, the item must be composed of at least 50% sugar.
  3. Fruit, jello, tapioca, bread pudding, rice pudding, and yogurt are not dessert even if their sugar content qualifies. Other items may be added to this list at my discretion.
  4. Items with added fiber, whole wheat flour, hidden mashed vegetables, purposely vegan or fat free, or other sleazy trickery do not qualify as dessert even if their sugar content qualifies.
  5. Out of courtesy and respect for a host, always take at least one of each dessert.
  6. If there is only one dessert, always take at least two items to ensure the host knows you truly enjoy the treat and are not just courtesy eating.
  7. Cookies must be eaten in packs of 4. That’s just how it is.
  8. Meals aren’t over until dessert has been eaten. (Breakfast is a meal.)
  9. As soon as dessert is in sight, the main course is done.
  10. “No bake” and “no cook” are “no dessert.”
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